Reckless Surrender Read online

  Made for Love Series

  The Promises We Keep

  Reckless Surrender

  Book 3 (Coming Soon)

  Three and a half years ago, Daphne walked into my shop, kicked open the door to my soul, invited herself inside, and got comfortable. By the time I realized she’d made herself at home, it was too late to kick her out. Now, I’m in love with her. But I’m not her boyfriend. She’s not my lover. We’re just friends…

  Trevor’s it for me. I love him so much it drives me crazy. But we’re broken—two battered people whose souls have been ravaged by the world. We decided a long time ago that we wanted to love each other but not attempt to fix one another. Instead, we give each other as much as we can. I’m beginning to wonder if that’s ever going to be enough…

  I don’t want to be her bandaid.

  I don’t want to be his addiction.

  But if we never cross that line, will I lose her?

  If I don’t tell him what I want, will I lose myself?

  [Reckless Surrender is book two in the Made for Love series but can be read as a STAND ALONE novel. Written for audiences 18+ years of age.]

  To my mother. In the dawn of your fiftieth year, remember that dream chasers can be found in any season of life.

  And to anyone who has ever screwed up. Grace keeps no record of wrongs and life is full of second chances; seek, find, and embrace them.

  January 2006

  This is a hell of a way to spend my birthday. Saying goodbye to my brother. No—not just my brother. My father. My best friend. My partner in crime. My wingman.

  Then again—I guess here, now, he’s more than that. He’s also a solider. A marine. A man who has been called to serve our country in the war zone of Iraq. I should be proud. I should be brave; he’s earned his right to go. I just don’t have the capacity to feel those things right now. Maybe tomorrow. Or the next day. Currently, I’m just afraid. I’ve never been without him. Not like this.

  I have to keep reminding myself that this is what he wants. Something that he’s worked for. When 9/11 happened, he was only sixteen—but even then he knew that he wanted to enlist. It was never a question of which branch he would join. Our dad was a marine. Not that we ever got the chance to know him.

  To us, mom and dad were just pretty faces in a picture frame. Some asshole driving drunk robbed us of our chance to share any sort of life with them. I was one. Rett was three. Our loss hasn’t really felt like a loss in a long time, more like an entire life in an alternate reality that we will never know. We’ve always had Grams, though. She raised us the best that she could, which was pretty damn good if you ask me. Even still, Rett wouldn’t leave me while I was in school. He wanted to stick around and make sure I graduated. As soon as I did, he started chasing his dreams.

  We followed him. Crystal and me.

  College was never really something I aimed for as I trudged my way through high school. Grams has been trying to convince me to give it a shot for a couple years now, but I hate the idea so much it makes me sick. I can’t imagine throwing money at an institution I abhor—and for what? A piece of paper that says I endured four more years of lectures, homework, and tests? Pass. I’m an artist. I don’t need school. What I need is to get my foot in the door. One day, I want to own my own tattoo parlor—but I know I have to get some experience under my belt first. Over the last six months, I’ve been doing just that. I’ve got a chair at a shop in town. Lucky for me, my big brother believes in my dreams even more than I do. When I said I wanted to follow him to California, he helped me pack.

  As soon as Crystal caught wind that I was moving, she insisted that she come too. She said that it would be better for me if she came; she could live with me and help me with rent. She’s a bank teller and she was sure she could get a transfer with little to no trouble at all. She also reminded me that I can’t cook shit and I’d starve without her. Every reason she gave was legit, but none of them addressed why she wanted to come—why she needed to come. The truth is, she’s in love with my brother. That’s all she had to say. Neither of us were going to stop her—least of all Rett.

  He and Crystal have been together for a year and a half now. They met at the State Fair back home. In Cheyenne, Wyoming, the fair is no joke. What the two of them share isn’t either. I’ve never seen him fall for a girl the way he’s fallen for her. He’s so pussy whipped—but she makes him happy and that’s all I really care about. The cool part is, she’s actually pretty fun to be around. We get along great, so living with her these last few months has been good. It hasn’t been easy, not being able to have Rett around as much, and it helps that we have each other.

  We wanted to be as close as possible while he went through boot camp and then infantry training. We knew it would be hard for him to get away, but we figured if we were close enough, we’d get more weekends with him than if we were back in Wyoming. It wasn’t much—it wasn’t enough—but none of us thought he’d get deployed as soon as he graduated. Now, looking back, I know that moving down here was the best decision I’ve ever made in my life. We won’t be staying long, though. Now that he’s leaving, I know I need to get back to Grams. Crystal feels it too. We’ll all need each other as we wait for our solider to come back.

  Thinking about Grams makes me regret that she’s not here. Part of me knows that it’s probably for the best. I’m sure she’d be a mess and Rett doesn’t need that right now—he’s got enough on his plate dealing with Crystal and me. Just the same, he hasn’t been back home since his leave after boot camp. I know he spent most of last night talking to her, though. And he’ll be back.

  He’ll be back.

  I peek over at Rett and Crystal from where I stand. I’ve been trying to hang back, knowing that they need their space right now. She’s cried herself to sleep every night since we got the news. I can always hear her through the walls, which are paper thin. We don’t talk about it—her tears. Admitting that I hear her would be the same as her admitting she can hear me whenever I have a girl over; or that I can hear her whenever she’s with my brother.

  Last night they went at it as if their lives depended on it.

  Yeah—we don’t discuss her tears. Every morning, as I brew a pot of coffee, she tries to hide her puffy eyes from me. As soon as I enter the room, her cereal becomes the most fascinating thing in the world. We both know I’m no fool, but I never ask her if she’s okay. She doesn’t ask me either. After I doctor my cup of brew, I kiss the top of her head and make my way back to my room. One kiss every day. The innocent act assures her that I understand, like no one else can, and I’m here for her.

  We left the apartment pretty early this morning, so she’s dressed for the cool January temperature in her skinny jeans and a marine corps hoodie that belongs to Rett. It swallows her tiny frame. Crystal’s small in comparison to me—I stand just barely at five-eleven—so next to my beast of a brother, who is six-four and built like a machine—she looks like a doll. Her glossy black hair is pulled up into a ponytail that hangs halfway down her back, leaving her tear-streaked face completely exposed. Even from here, I can see the dark lashes that frame her big brown eyes are soaked. She’s not wearing any makeup, but she doesn’t need any. Her rich, caramel colored skin is beautiful on its own—and the way my brother is looking at her right now, I know he doesn’t give a shit what she’s got on. She’s his heart.

  I watch as he tries to dry her cheeks. The act is futile, as more tears are quick to replace the ones he wipes away. He does it anyway. He leans down and rests his forehead against hers, speaking something only she can hear before he presses his lips to hers. She clings to him and I look away. I love Crystal, because my brother does and because she’s a good person and a great friend—but dammit, she’s making
this harder.

  I look up when I hear a sniffle and I see her making her way toward me. She takes a deep breath, as if she’s bracing herself, and then looks up at me and forces a smile. “You’re turn,” she manages. I nod and then direct my gaze over to my brother. Suddenly, I’m weak at the knees and I’m not sure I can move. When Crystal gently grasps hold of my elbow and gives my arm a tug, I look down at her and surrender to her pull. She kisses my temple and a smirk pulls at my lips. I know right away what she’s trying to say. “Go on,” she insists, giving me a little push.

  I force one foot in front of the other.

  When I was little and learning to speak, I had a hard time learning Rett’s name. I couldn’t get the G in Garrett to come out. Over and over again, Grams would try and help me—Gar-rett. GAR-rett. Rett was all I could manage. He didn’t mind. He actually liked it and it stuck. He did that for me. He’s been looking out for me and taking care of me since before I could talk. Now I have to say goodbye. He’ll be gone until August. This time, there will be no more weekend visits; I can’t just call him—he’ll be a world away.

  “Hey,” he mumbles when I stop in front of him.

  “Hey.”

  For a moment, neither of us speaks. It seems like there’s so much that needs to be said and yet, there’s nothing to say; nothing that will make this parting any easier.

  “Watch out for my girl, alright?”

  I look into his blue-green eyes, a reflection of my own, and nod. “You know that I will.”

  “And Grams. Don’t let them worry too much.” I tug my eyebrows together in response, knowing I can’t promise that. He doesn’t take offense. I know he’s just talking for the sake of talking. “Take care of you, too.” He grips my shoulder and gives me a small shake. “Do what you have to do, you hear? Keep drawing, keep working hard. I believe in you, bro—and I’m so proud of you. When I get back, I expect a sleeve design to be drawn up and ready to go for me. A dragon or some tough shit like that.”

  I can’t breathe. I bite down on the inside of my cheek, willing my tears to stay hidden behind my eyes. My lungs beg for me to open up my mouth and gulp down a breath, but I can’t. When I see a single tear spill from the corner of Rett’s eye, I know I’m going to lose it.

  “I love you, Trev. So much.”

  “I—I love—you—” I can’t even get the words out before my tears rob me of my voice entirely. When Rett pulls me into his arms, I return his embrace and let myself cry. My face is smashed against his shoulder and it’s as if my body knows my heart—it knows that this is the one place I can let it all go without any shame.

  I told myself I wouldn’t do this. I know that if we all fall to pieces, it’ll make it that much harder for him to leave. I need to be strong. I need to be brave. I need to be proud—but I’m scared. It’s not even just about the dangers of war; it’s about being left here without him. I don’t know how to do life without him.

  “You’re going to be alright,” he says, as if he can read my thoughts. His words make me feel like a selfish little shit. I should be the one telling him that he’ll be alright. He’s the one leaving with a gun strapped across his back. “Write me letters. Send me sketches. No excuses. It’s only for a few months.”

  “Be careful,” I demand, squeezing him tighter.

  “I will.” For a moment, we let our tears do the talking. “Happy birthday, by the way.” I choke out a laugh, not because I’m amused, but because I know he means it. Of all the things I’m sure he’s got on his mind right now, he hasn’t neglected to think of the significance of this date—the other significance. I thought he might forget and there’s no way in hell I was going to remind him. “We’ll celebrate properly when I get back.”

  “Rockwell—time to go!” someone shouts from behind us.

  Rett holds me for a second longer before he pats my back and pulls away from me. I’m quick to reach up and scrub my hand down my face, wiping away my tears. He claps his hand around the back of my neck. “I’ll see you later, kid,” he says with a smirk, his face still wet from his own tears.

  “Yeah. See you later.” I want to say more, but I can’t. We’ve run out of time and I’ve run out of words.

  As he begins to walk away, Crystal comes to stand beside me. She wraps her hand around mine and holds on for dear life. Rett looks back at us from over his shoulder and smiles before calling out, “I love you.”

  Neither Crystal nor I miss a beat before we simultaneously reply, “We love you, too.”

  December 2008

  It’s so cold out that I can feel the night’s breeze gnawing its way through my winter coat and the sweater I wear beneath it. Even so, the walk from the car to the restaurant is only a block and I’ve got Katie under my arm, so I refuse to complain. She clings to me and I can’t help but smile as I peer down at the shivering beauty that she is. Her shaky breaths make themselves known in the small clouds that puff in front of her mouth with every exhalation. I wish I could help keep her warmer, but we’ll be inside soon. That realization makes me question how much of the tension in her grip is due to the cold weather and how much is a result of her nerves.

  She’s about to meet my parents for the first time. We’ve only been dating for a couple months, but since the moment we became friends, she’s been important to me. Now that we’re more, I can’t help but want to share every part of myself with her. Admitting that makes me feel a bit unhinged. No girl has ever made me feel the way she does. I swear, she’s got me wrapped around her finger and she doesn’t even know it. It’s indisputable, though. When I told my mom about her, something I rarely do with the women I date, she insisted that we all get together.

  Katie will be flying back to Texas in about a week, right after finals, to spend Christmas break with her family. My parents insisted that we make plans before she has to leave. My dad made reservations at his favorite restaurant in downtown Denver, not too far from where our family home is. Mom, wanting to make a night of it, bought us all tickets to go see The Nutcracker after we eat. I don’t really know how I feel about the ballet, but Katie’s eyes light up every time I mention it, so I suppose I can endure it for her sake.

  “Oh, my gosh—please tell me we’re almost there,” she mutters between her chattering teeth.

  I chuckle as I pull her tighter against me. “It’s right up there, on the corner.”

  “Can we walk faster?”

  Listening to the click-click-click of her heels against the sidewalk has me lifting an eyebrow in question. She doesn’t see the smirk that tugs at the corner of my mouth as I ask, “I don’t know, can we?”

  She groans, then giggles, and I pull her even tighter against me. “You’re supposed to remind me that I’m not in Houston anymore when I decide to dress up.”

  “I’m sorry, isn’t this your second winter in Colorado?” I tease.

  “I can be very forgetful.” I hear the smile she’s wearing as she speaks. “Especially when I have an excuse to wear a pair of my favorite shoes.”

  “In that case, I’ll try and remember that for next time,” I assure her as we reach our destination. She breathes a sigh of relief as we step inside and the warmth of the establishment envelopes us in a welcoming embrace.

  “Good evening,” greets the hostess from behind her station.

  “Hi. We’re meeting up with our party here. The reservation should be under the name Holloway.”

  “Oh, yes—Mr. and Mrs. Holloway arrived just a few minutes ago. I’ll escort you to them. First, may I take your coats?”

  “Yes, thank you.” I turn to help Katie slide out of hers and notice that her lighthearted demeanor from just a moment ago has since vanished. As the hostess disappears with our coats, I take Katie’s hands in mine and give them a reassuring squeeze. “Hey, don’t be nervous.”

  “Easy for you to say. This place is really nice. What if I’m not wearing the right thing? I’m sure I look like Rudolph right now, considering I can’t even feel my nose, and—”


  I cut her off with a kiss. She tightens her grip around my fingers in surprise before she relaxes and kisses me back. When I pull away from her I can’t help but smile. “You look perfect.”

  I mean it. She’s gorgeous, like always. Her long, soft, light blonde ringlets are draped against her chest and down her back; her bright blue eyes adding to her positively angelic appearance. Her cheeks and her nose are rosy from the cold but I think it makes her look other-worldly. She’s wearing a dark purple sweater dress that hugs her elegantly, and her heels give her a boost, elevating her so that the top of her head rests just below my chin when I wrap her in my arms.

  God, I love her. She doesn’t know it yet, but I’m going to tell her. Tonight.

  “You have nothing to worry about,” I promise as I hold her. “You’ll be fine. Besides, Daphne knows how to play buffer better than anyone I know. She’s got your back, just like I do.”

  “That is if she likes me.”

  “She loves me so she’ll love you. Trust me. She’s been dying to meet you.”

  “If you’re ready, it’ll be right this way,” says the hostess, kindly interrupting our moment.

  I take Katie’s hand, lacing my fingers with hers as we follow our guide to meet my family. We’re escorted to a table for five, but there are only four place settings. I notice right away that my sister is missing. Before I have a chance to say anything, my father is on his feet.

  “Well, hello there. Don’t you two look nice.” He reaches for my hand, an act I’ve grown accustomed to. I’ve accepted the fact that it’s obviously an occupational habit of his. I imagine when you work as an analyst for the government, you probably shake a lot of hands.

  “Thank you,” Katie says sweetly. The sound of her voice pulls me from my thoughts and I smile at her just as my mother joins the rest of us on her feet.